I want to live life with my eyes wide open.
For too long I have dodged eye contact, hiding in the shadows.
The pain loomed, a black hole trying to obliterate me…
I felt too much. Thought too much
Was too much.
I backed away
If I shrank back far enough I didn’t have to feel it all.
The too much could not swallow me whole.
If I took shallow breaths of the air around me
Instead of deep draughts
Maybe the pain wouldn’t pierce so deeply.
Slowly and haltingly Life stands in front
Of the little girl that is my heart.
Life’s hands close gently over hers
Her hands that are pressed so hard onto her eyes that she sees red flashes
On the inside of her eyelids.
Life pries those hands away from her eyes
Color floods in.
Pain yes. Piercing pain.
But also joy. Life. Light.
Bright yellows. Vibrant reds. Verdant greens. Deep blues. Dingy browns. Soul-sucking blacks.
It’s all there.
Life holds my hands out in front of me
Turns my palms up.