The pain is something I can’t describe. It curls me inside out. And in the state of despair I have been in it just seemed so pointless.
The question stopped being ‘why the pain?’ and started being,”Why bear the pain?”
It’s a scary question to entertain.
I went to the ER yesterday because I could no longer stand for even a few seconds without buckling.
And I made a phone call that no Navy wife wants to make.
I called and said, “I need him here. It’s becoming an emergency.”
It doesn’t always work out that they can come. I don’t take it for granted. And I didn’t take it for granted yesterday when I made the call. Had he been on deployment or in a different phase of work-ups the answers and realities could have looked much different.
But at midnight when I was reeling from the pain and the nausea and dizziness that came from the things that were supposed to relieve the pain, the door opened and he crept upstairs.
Not everyone can say that their one true love was catapulted off of an aircraft carrier out of love for them.
And for the first time in months something other than the pain is causing my knees to buckle.
There are times even in the midst of the intense ugly and pain of life that you know beyond a doubt that you are loved. That’s what makes the pain worth bearing.
That is why I can continue to bear it.