Stretched Indeed

Aside

Five Minute Friday!  Coming to the end of the deadline for being out of our house.  Husband has been working 17-20 hour days.  I’ve called in favors with just about every person I can think of to get what needs done around here, done and lifted more boxes and furniture than a girl with a herniated disc should even think about.  The word “stretch” is appropriate.

Here goes:

I have been stretched taut close to breaking for three weeks now.

To suddenly have our move almost entirely up to me.  Daunting doesn’t even cover it.

I’ve had moments of despair–real, honest to goodness, despair and so many extra curve balls have been thrown in.  Health problems with my family which not only caused my heart to worry for those I love, but meant my Dad couldn’t come help with the move.  My husband’s grandmother dying.

We are stretched almost to a breaking point.

But we keep remembering…

“Grace…  Mercy….  Peace….”

Husband says it to himself while spending time in ‘resting position’ as part of induction.  I say it to myself when the water is up to my neck and the internet won’t connect and the loads of stuff that I thought I was making progress on haven’t really put a dent in the piles of boxes that yet need to be moved.

My heart has panicked, but I go back to that whisper-yell.  Grace…  Mercy…  Peace….

I am pressed but not crushed, persecuted, not abandoned.  Struck down, but not destroyed.

It’s been a hard, hard bigger than me week.

But I hear those words over the din and the panic.

And I quiet down for just a moment knowing that even in this place of being stretched far, far beyond my broken-bodied, wearied-spirit limits, I am not alone.

Stretched beyond my limits, I can truly see how God moves mountains and works in and through even me.

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Musings on Here and Meta-here

I thought I’d take a five minute break from my cleaning and packing to jump in to Five Minute Friday.  I’ve missed it. Full disclosure:  The parts written in parentheses came after the five minutes was up.  😉  

Moving is always bittersweet and this house, this here has been good to us.

I will miss our gorgeous view and the feeling of having lots of space.

I won’t miss the feeling of living on someone else’s property and the neighborhood kid drama on the playground.

We’ve watched our girls grow here, welcomed Lainey to our family in this house.  We survived Tomas here.  I remember when I moved in looking out at the ocean (that I never could believe I could actually see from my house) and thinking that beauty will sustain me in hard times and set me flying in good times. In only the four years that we’ve lived in this house we’ve seen so many of both.  What stories will play out in our next home?

My ‘meta-here’–not my physical space but the landscape and scope of the inside of my head and heart–feels messier than normal.  I have been near panic for most of the week trying to figure out HOW TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE given parameters that seem nearly insurmountable.  I have been, at times, as downtrodden and depressed in the wake of all of our wonderful news as I have been in some of our out and out ‘low’ journeys.  The time crunch, the feeling of having to do it ALL on my own.  It makes this temporary feel bigger than anything else.  Overwhelmed is not a feeling I wear well.

But this is what I know:  I am held in this meta-here too.  I am helped here.  I am provided for here.  I am loved here.  I am accepted as I am here.  The voices that scream that my feelings are much ado about nothing are skirting the truth.  The voices that scream that this is impossible and that I am not up to this task are lies from the enemy.

Here I am held.  I am His.  And in His provision, little by little, piece by piece, even the most insurmountable looking mountain can be climbed.  Even the most daunting obstacles are overcome.

I am safe here.

Reaching Out…

Bloggy friends–Will you pray?

Because some big things have happened in recent weeks.  And they are mostly VERY GOOD things.  But they are all very BIG things and very LABOR INTENSIVE THINGS.

And they are overlapped with my body feeling VERY BROKEN.

And I am VERY OVERWHELMED.

Would you pray?  Pray for healing of my body?  For God to provide help and sustenance and strength when I am out of it?  For encouragement for my husband as he endures tough things in the short term to get to things to be very proud of in the long term?  Would you pray for support and community in places it seems to have faltered?

Would you pray that in the midst of this ultimately good, I would not get waylaid by the stress and the panic of the momentary logistics that seem so big and my abilities that seems so inadequate?

***My husband made chief (which in the Navy carries with it great traditional honor along with a six week, very intense induction).  We close on a house next week and move immediately after.  My back is bad enough that I may need surgery.  It’s all just stacked.***

Would you please, please pray with both thanksgiving and supplication for and with us?