It’s Five Minute Friday… Lisa-Jo throws out a word for us to write about for five minutes. Just five minutes. Throwing caution and editing and back spacing to the wind. You’ll note that I’m getting rather excited about closing in on the end of this deployment. The end is in sight and the adventure of reintegration will soon begin.
It’s been over five months now since I’ve seen his face (except for Skype) or held his hand. Some days he feels like merely words on the computer screen. And life… My life feels solitary. What’s more it feels like it’s always been like this and forever will be. Me, making it on my own and missing him.
My brain almost convinces itself that he and our love are merely ideas. He is a puff of smoke that appears on my computer screen in the early morning, and sometimes sends little notes back and forth with me through email if I stay up late enough at night.
But he is real. Our marriage is too. Even when it feels like an idea or words on a page. He is muscle and bone and sinew and soon he will be a real and substantial presence by my side… Taking up space in bed… At the dinner table… Once more.
The stuff of our marriage is real too. The love and the mess and the emotion. At homecoming briefings they talk about ‘renegotiating the marriage contract.’ And that is a reality that must happen each and every time they come home.
You get to know different pieces of a person when you are connected by words on a page or on a computer screen, but I miss the muscle flexing that has to happen when communicating face to face.
I long for that to once again be a reality.
We are closing in. Soon it will be a reality. Soon I’ll have to downshift my brain from idea mode to flesh and blood in front of me mode. There may be bumps and bruises along the way. It might not be all happily ever after.
Reality rarely is.
But it will be SO good.