It’s…. Five Minute Friday!!!
The day when we write without thinking too much or hitting the backspace bar too much or trying too hard.
My chest starts getting tight and I have a hard time breathing when his sea bag comes out of the closet and into the living room and the cataloging of ‘stuff that must go’ starts to happen.
We live a lifestyle of good-byes. There are the big ones that come with the “D-days” of leaving for deployment. That last kiss that is so soft and salty with tears. The last feeling of his arms around me for months and months at a time. He walks into the air terminal and I sit down behind the wheel and don’t turn around again. I can’t bear to take another second of the against-my-nature forced action of driving the car out of the parking lot, watching the speed limit for base, driving out the gate.
There are the smaller times–detachments that last a couple weeks or a couple of months here and there interspersed. I still cry over ‘the short ones.’ He is my husband and I want him beside me and all of those short ones add up to a whole lot of time when he’s not.
There are the good-byes we say to family who are so far away. The good-byes we say to friends when the moving trucks pull up.
It is a lifestyle of good-byes.
But it is also a lifestyle of hellos. Homecomings and a second and third and fourth helping of ‘first kisses.’ The deliciousness of how his arms feel around me after longing for them for so long and the comfortableness of him by my side all over again. The joy of new friends. The excitement of visits.
I’m grateful to be in a space that is closer to the hello than the good-bye. We have a long way yet to go, but each day is another day closer to the sound of his boots crossing the thresh-hold of the doorway and the feeling the place that feels most my home–in his arms.