Opportunity or Danger

I fell off the earth for a couple of weeks blog-wise, but all is going ok enough really.  I’m jumping back in with a Five Minute Friday, because I do love them so.  Over at the Gypsy Mama’s place we’re given the chance to dive in with others to write with abandon on a word of the week and I find it helps me find my words and love crafting them again and again.

Item of housekeeping:  My dear friend, Sarah L. was the winner of my first every give-away.  Even though it’s over, I’m still finding ways that I can BE Rare and SEE Rare.  I hope you are too.  A  book will head Sarah’s way soon!

Ok…  Five Minutes on Empty

I’m learning, ever so slowly, that emptiness can be one of two things.

It can be an opportunity.  When I stub my toe on emptiness it can serve as impetus to fill myself at the well of my Father’s love for me.

Or… it can be a danger.  It can be a slipping point where in search of something to fill that emptiness I turn to lesser things for comfort and satisfaction.

When 5:30 p.m. rolls around every day I feel profoundly empty.  Weekends as well.  Deployments show you the pieces of your routine that are made sacred with togetherness and, in the absence of my husband, the house, my life, my heart feel the void. An immense aching void.

Those are the parts of the day when you can’t lean on other friends because you know they are partaking of their own sacred rituals of togetherness and you can’t, out of your own loneliness, impose yourself on them to fill the empty places that are screaming at you.

I have a variety of ways that I try to chase away the emptiness.  Some of them are good, and some of them aren’t great.  Chocolate beckons seductively…  Facebook is so easy to get lost in….  Ignoring the house and sometimes even the kids to curl up into a book is a great and dangerous escape.

But I have to pull myself out of this mindset and think about what I’m doing.  There is only One who can satisfy me in the ways that I need and crave.  He is the one to whom I must turn when these long deployment days and their dull, gray emptiness threaten to swallow me whole.  I need to seize the opportunity to be satisfied in Him.

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4 thoughts on “Opportunity or Danger

  1. I can only imagine the depth of the emptiness you must feel with your loved one away for so long — I struggle when my spouse is gone for even just a few days. Thank you for sharing!

  2. Your words here are so honest & ring so true. Thank you. I can so relate to those slippery slopes. I occasionally take twitter & facebook off my phone just to remove the distraction. And I feel silly, because at 30, you’d think I could just exercise the self-control to not open the ap in the first place. It is hard to press into pain or loneliness, to run into the Father’s arms, even when we know it’s all we really want. I appreciate what you say about pulling yourself out of that mindset, thinking about what you’re doing. Sometimes it is that simple. Thank you so much for this. And I’ll be praying for you during the deployment.

  3. Oh yes. THat empty feeling can be so easy to get lost in and it can be too easy to lose sight of Him being the only one who can truly satisfy.

    Like the other commenter, I can only imagine what those deployment days must be like. I know it must be quite a challenge. Saying a little prayer for your family; we’re so thankful for you and your willingness to serve!

  4. Thank you for your brave and honest sharing…I imagine it must be very hard…praying that God will come and fill those empty places in your life and heart with an extra-measure of His presence and that there will be others who can come alongside you … sending you a hug, if that is okay …

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