He was there. He is here.

It’s Five Minute Friday again.  On Five Minute Fridays, we write, “For fun, for love of the sound of words, for play, for delight, for joy and celebration at the art of communication.”

I wrote for more than Five Minutes this time….  There was more there begging to be written.  The prompt today was “remember.”

I’ve been thinking about how, when I survey the past few years, I sometimes seem to repeat a litany of all that has happened.  I wonder if it makes people uncomfortable.  Makes them think, “Get over it already.”  It’s felt like waves crashing onto the sand, one event after another, after another, that left me gasping for breath.  I’ve beaten myself up about repeating it and looking it over so often, sure that people are tired of hearing it.

Recently it occurred to me:  God called the Israelites to REMEMBER.  He called them to remember the plagues, their time in slavery, their time in the desert.  He called them to remember.  Not to find themselves the victims of their circumstances, but to see how powerfully God came through for them again and again.  They weren’t easy memories to relive.  Lashings and hunger…  The terror of the plagues.  Blisters on their feet.  The thirst.  The uncertainty.  But God said, “Remember.  I was there and *I* brought your through it.”

So it strikes me, that maybe when I remember….  When I call up this litany, it’s not an ongoing pity party.  Maybe instead it’s my litany of remembrance.

(Pushing past the five minutes now)

When I remember all that has happened:  My Mom’s death, and illness.  A year of loss after loss after loss.  Deployments.  Moves.  New babies and the joy and challenge of mothering.  (There are joyful memories too!)  Postpartum Depression.  Miscarriage.  Paraganglioma.  And now at this raw place where I don’t yet feel healed from the latest wave–an unexpected deployment. When I look back at that, I kind of suck in my breath and go, “That was a lot.”  And then I let out my breath and go, “But God brought me through it.

It’s not just a litany of hard things, though, they were indeed hard.  It’s a litany of thanksgiving and remembrance.  It’s an Ebenezer:  Thus far the Lord has helped me.  And with an eye to those things….  with an eye for all the places He was with me and all the places He led me through holding fast to my hand, I can look toward what’s coming.

My Mom had lung cancer.  And God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

My Mom died.  And God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

Two deployments.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

PPD.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

Miscarriage.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

Diagnosis of tumor when pregnant with Lainey.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

Lainey’s birth–snow storms and extra precautions and fear and then such beauty.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

Traveling to NIH to have the tumor removed.  God was there.  He brought me to the other side.

And now….  Wrapping my head around all that has changed and the things inside of me that have shifted.  Now getting ready for my love to deploy again.  God is here.  He will bring me to the other side.

It is a litany.  A long litany.  A litany of life, and a life not so unlike any other’s.  It is staggering sometimes to look at.  But HE WAS THERE.  And if he was there in ALL those places.  He is HERE.  He is God WITH me.  Emmanuel.  And that is why in the face of dread of this deployment, and uncertainty, and a heavy heart, and all that may come my way even after all of this I know that I can walk forward.  I know He is here.  Because all those times before.  He was there.  And He brought me to the other side.

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7 thoughts on “He was there. He is here.

  1. WOW! That was certainly heartfelt, and honest. A real opportunity to glimpse into your soul and see a small piece of what you have endured. It is beautiful to read the way you so simply put to words that God brought you through to the other side. He does do that for us, doesn’t he. I am so happy I ended up here to read your wonderful sentiments. A beautiful remembrance and a continued opportunity for healing. I am so excited to pull of a chair and read more of your blog.

  2. I like this thought, that there is beauty and thanksgiving in the remembering…

    you don’t have to heal on “other” peoples time line, it will happen slowly by acknowledgement of these events and their effect on your life. curl around these events…these scars in your sides…there’s beauty there my friend…blessings to you as you share.

  3. Oh friend, I didn’t want to cry today! Warm, salty tears of sadness for all the pain you’ve endured, joyful tears of gratitude and praise to the God who brought you through and remains faithful today. What a mighty God we serve!

    Thank you for journaling your ups and downs. We aren’t tired of hearing about them – we are rejoicing with you in all that He is doing! Keep writing, keep believing, keep seeking Him. And thanks for including us on this amazing journey.

    P.S. If your deployments ever bring you to North Texas, I’d love to hug your neck in person! 😉

  4. Oh, I so needed someone else to speak these words for me today. I am struggling with the same thing as you – I’m being bombarded by old and deep wounds lately and don’t know how to keep processing them with others. But you know, all of these experiences – they make me, Me. They make you, You. And who you are is worth sharing, and contemplating, and revisiting over and over and over again. In the thick of being sick several years ago, a friend once told me “you feel what you feel. And let that be okay.” So true for this stage too…it’s a remembering, and a celebration, and an honoring given to God. And however you feel, wherever you are, it’s okay. So glad I could resonate with you today…thank you.

  5. So glad that God was WITH you and that He also brought you to the other side through some very very deep waters and trials. Keep on processing, as long as you need it, because God is doing a deep and beautiful work in you.

    Thank you for sharing your faith walk with us. It is a privilege to get a glimpse into your life and heart.

  6. Visiting from the 5 Minute Friday! I am so thankful for a God who always brings me through to the other side.

    We lost our home last year. We lived there for 16 years and were forced to short sale. But He has brought us through!

    Thank you for sharing today!

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