What am I doing, writing into this vacuum of blog land?
Even as I’m excited to again find my way in this thing called the ‘blogging community’ I’m skeptical. There are so many words out there. So many blogs. So many every day stories about the same things that I’m writing about.
So why am I here? Why am I writing in this space? Why am I putting words here again and why does it suddenly feel important or worthwhile to do so?
Those questions have been playing tag in my mind for a while now. I’ve read several articles about how blogs really aren’t ‘where it’s at,’ as much as we’ve been led to believe. I’ve never written here to make money and I certainly don’t expect to now, but part of me is still asking is it worth it? Is it worth it to do the word-smithing required to put together decent blog posts if only a handful of people are going to read them and only a few people in that handful are really going to be moved and impacted by them? Is it worth it?
Does it matter if it’s worth it? What does it mean to be worth it?
My favorite blogger in the world “DaMomma” at Motherhood is Not for Wimps announced this week that she isn’t going to blog anymore. She has tried to garnish a small amount of income from her blog work and with her resume and credentials behind her she seems like a logical person to be able to make a go of it. She’s barely breaking even and other priorities in her life have to come first now and so she’s stepping away.
I know that blogging can be a time sink. A tremendous one. I started writing here again because I felt this tug… this feeling that I love to write, I feel like God has gifted me with my ability to use words and in this season I’ve not really been serving that gift. I want to serve that gift. I want to practice crafting sentences and paragraphs. I want to see what could come of doing so.
And so I came here again. I started trying to write here again. I started trying to think in ways that made my words stretch and grow.
I guess maybe the question that is really getting at me under my skin is this: could my writing–my everydaysy nothing special writing be something that God uses? Some day, some day I would love for my writing to be used in a more public forum, but I’m not in place to get there right now. I’m not sure how to get there or if I’ll ever be ready to. I’m not sure if I’m good enough to even try.
There is a loud voice in my head that says, “Really… Who are you kidding?” I read about conferences like SheSpeaks and my heart gets both excited and cynical. I get excited about the idea of pursuing a path of writing or sharing my words in some capacity. I get cynical because it’s obvious that so many people are hoping for the very same thing. Realistically most of us with these idealistic hopes and dreams aren’t going to ‘make it’ right?
I keep trying to shush up that inner cynic though. The reality is, it isn’t about whether or not I get published somewhere or get to share my words from a public platform of any sort other than this little ol’ blog. The point is that I feel called to use a gift and this is one teeny tiny little trickle of words that I can let out to do just that. If God wants that little trickly stream to turn into a babbling brook, or a decent sized creek or even someday a river, then he will equip me with the wisdom and ability to make the choices necessary to do get there.
Maybe by showing up this little trickle of words will hit just a few people or even just one person in a way that will leave them feeling encouraged or less alone or lifted up. Maybe it will help nudge someone closer to Him in the long run. Maybe this hesitant feeling of ‘calling’ isn’t about affecting the multitudes. Maybe though by being real, sharing my story, and connecting this little trickle of words could carve out a tiny crevasse that means something valuable to the heart of God even though it just seems like quacking into a vacuum to me sometimes.
I’m going to continue to show up… to share my story… to smith these words. I’m going to continue to connect with new and amazing people whose raging rivers or trickles of words have meant something to my heart. I’m going to keep showing up. Maybe I’ll see what happens. Or, maybe it will just be a practice of discipline or obedience. No matter what I hope that His faithfulness will use something that I’ve laid down here on this screen to His glory.