New thoughts, new desires and interests, new sparks in my heart and mind.
I don’t know if they’ll fan into flame or not, but I’m taking notice of them, taking inventory.
I have gifts I want to serve and thoughts I want to share. It’s startling at this place I’m in. I think it’s one of the reasons I feel so shaken up. I’m thinking about what I want, what I really WANT and who I want to be and what gifts I possess. Then I’m looking at this barren place of tentativeness that I’m currently in. It seems too audacious. It seems illogical. And maybe it is.
I want to be faithful with little so that He will entrust me with much. Who knows what that much may be.
I want to learn to have confidence in the space I take up, instead of apologizing for being in the way. I want to stand tall and know the story and the message that is mine to share. And I want to move forward boldly..
I don’t want to underestimate the ability of God to work through me. I don’t want to sabotage the ability of God to work through me. I don’t want to excuse away what could be very real inklings and nudges because they are ‘unrealistic,’ because I am ‘not enough,’ because those things are things for others and not for me.
I need to hunker down and pray here and listen and wonder and be open.
I need to dream. I need to dream again. Maybe I’m beginning to.
“Despise not the day of small beginnings…” Could these heart-stirrings be a kind of small beginning? At the very least they are part of the journey, part of the wondering, part of the making of me.