New Sparks, New Stirrings

New thoughts, new desires and interests, new sparks in my heart and mind.

I don’t know if they’ll fan into flame or not, but I’m taking notice of them, taking inventory.

I have gifts I want to serve and thoughts I want to share.  It’s startling at this place I’m in.  I think it’s one of the reasons I feel so shaken up.  I’m thinking about what I want, what I really WANT and who I want to be and what gifts I possess.  Then I’m looking at this barren place of tentativeness that I’m currently in.  It seems too audacious.  It seems illogical.  And maybe it is.

Still…

I want to be faithful with little so that He will entrust me with much.  Who knows what that much may be.

I want to learn to have confidence in the space I take up, instead of apologizing for being in the way.  I want to stand tall and know the story and the message that is mine to share.  And I want to move forward boldly..

I don’t want to underestimate the ability of God to work through me.  I don’t want to sabotage the ability of God to work through me.  I don’t want to excuse away what could be very real inklings and nudges because they are ‘unrealistic,’ because I am ‘not enough,’ because those things are things for others and not for me.

I need to hunker down and pray here and listen and wonder and be open.

I need to dream.  I need to dream again.  Maybe I’m beginning to.

“Despise not the day of small beginnings…”  Could these heart-stirrings be a kind of small beginning?  At the very least they are part of the journey, part of the wondering, part of the making of me.

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