I’m struggling these days. My frustrations with my undone laundry, messy house, and doubts about my job at this mama gig have been mentioned repeatedly here for a reason. I know I’m not managing my time well, I fear I’m not managing my children well, and my house… Well let’s just not go there, how about?
As I said a few days ago I have all of these sweeping plans to reform myself. They aren’t necessarily instant perfection plans either. They’re all about baby steps. But I seem to need more of a ‘crawling regimen’ or maybe a ‘creep/flop, creep/flop’ kind of move like Lainey was doing before she mastered the crawling skill.
When I’m in seasons like this it’s hard to walk tall, feel confident, and believe that I have anything worth offering. Sometimes I’m held captive and thus inactive as a result of the doubts that I am trying to fend off.
In the face of the resounding thud which comes from the ‘flop’ part of the ‘creep/flop’ strategy and the very loud play ground bullies that sometimes reside in my self-talk, I find myself needing to ask God one very important question:
“What do YOU think?”
If I am to do all that I do to His glory–what kind of feedback does God have for me? One of the questions I’ve been asking Him specifically is, “Can you please, pretty please, help me to see a few of the ways I’m making progress in the “creep” realm?” Can you please point out just a few things that I do as a mother and as a woman that make you smile?
That helps me get my focus off of the playground bullies in my head and onto where I need to focus to be. And it gives me just enough encouragement to want to keep on trying.
I hope that one day I can look back on this season of my life with grace and compassion for myself. I hope that I can look back and see that I was doing better than I thought I was. Until I get to that perspective though, I’m going to try to keep my ears tuned to the voice of God and His eternal perspective.
If I do that maybe my “creep/flop” moves will eventually turn into a full-statured stride.