“I feel…thin. Sort of stretched, like…butter scraped over too much bread.” -Bilbo Baggins
I was going to blog about how I feel like this quote (I love you LOTR trilogy). So I googled it. And found out that’s been done and the t-shirts issued. Shall I be redundant?
Which reminds me… You know what I love? I love Lady Redundant Woman on Word Girl (thank you PBS Kids). That name causes me to chuckle each time I hear it.
So anyway. I’m stealing ten minutes to write here today before I go throw my hair in a pony tail and put on a clean shirt to go to work. I AM feeling rather scraped over too much bread these days. I LOVE my job, but it keeps me away from my family in the evenings. I get to be with the kidlets all day long, and Husband after bedtime, but I miss that beautiful family time with ALL of them during dinner and after. When I get home Husband’s eyes are inevitably bugging out of his head from the kiddos being nuts too which makes me feel… Well, rather yucky for making him rush home from work only to stress him out with his own kids as well. I love my job. I do. I walk a little taller when I leave it in the evenings. I love the kids I work with and the work I do. But… I miss my family. The last few weeks have been heavy on work and evening commitments. Hopefully after next week, I’ll feel a little more on-kilter (can you be on-kilter, or just off?).
Is it normal for me to feel like I’m flying apart most days? Does everybody else? Does anybody else? I do. The sunshine is helping me to stabilize, but part of the scraped thin feeling is depression-related, I believe. I feel like I have to dig deep into my reserves most days. I guess the good news is it pushing me towards God. I find myself consulting him regularly for mercy and grace and help and… not flying-apartness.
Living in the midst of fighting the flying apartness doesn’t make for great blogging either. I sit down to write. And I backspace. And try again. And backspace. I think I’ll just hit publish today. Give you all a little 10-minute snibbet of my current nuttiness.
So I’ll finish and tell you that I love this totally unrelated quote by Pete Gall: “My Passion in a Nutshell Enough of this cutesy “we’re better because they’re worse” Christianity – from old guard political platforms to young believers who think torn jeans, a tall coffee, and some bitter complaints spewed through spotty facial hair somehow represents a better way. How about actually searching for, and standing upon, a better way? And the better way isn’t found in new places. The better way is exactly where – and with whom – it has always been. Enough revolution. Enough feeding frenzy on the dead horse of a worn out approach to church. Enough fighting fire with fire. Bring water. Rediscover passion. Experience adventure. Pay a price. See what happens when you replace “principles” with “virtues” – see if there isn’t enough of “home” left in you for some homesickness for a better way, a way breathed to life by God, to still stir passions in your life. Prodigals don’t thrive in the far away land. Elder brothers are slaves until they summon the courage to speak honestly to their fathers. Let us meet there – on our Father’s land – and ask him, together, how we might live and turn this life into a tour of princes and princesses who bring justice and comfort and meaning to a world that is dying for it, and will only hear it if we make it our passion first. This is why I do what I do. And it’s bringing me back to life.”