The Song

Another God gift this month:  This time a song.

My friend, Amber, gave me a Nathan Clark George c.d. right  before we moved back to Washington when Carolyn was a year old.  I listened to it for three months straight.  For whatever reason (now I suspect the mysterious ways of the holy spirit) I have been inexplicably drawn to his music again this month. I asked Andy for a c.d, and bless his sweet heart he got me 3 for Christmas. 

As I was listening to the first, Rise In the Darkness (more on that darkness and light theme) the liner notes of one of the last few songs on the c.d caugt my eye.  They mentioned NCG’s reaction to their families first miscarriage.  I skimmed the lyrics and wept–and  knew that my baby and my pain and my tears all matter to God. 

“Oh, my child, I don’t even know

If you are a girl or a boy.

Oh, my Lord, please if you would,

Give a name you might enjoy.

It’s hard to let go just as soon as you know,

You’ve been given a life

Your mom and dad are hand in hand

With your brother in my lap,

Praying, Father, take our child…”

Now just to add on, I hate to give the impression that I am simply wallowing in this pain.  I’m not.  Life has been full.  Magic came at Christmas.   The joy of my children at such a young age lifted me.  I’m doing normal life.  But at least a few times a day I go to the place in my heart that hurts over this new sadness, and I attend to it.  In short,  for those of you who worry over my blog posts…  DON’T.

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4 thoughts on “The Song

  1. I’m loving you and praying for you through your blog posts– not worrying! Anyway, we don’t know each other that well….yet! But I’m drawn to you, and pray. That is all for now!!

  2. Oh, Val. A baby’s a baby, no matter how small. Please, please don’t feel like my grief in any way diminishes or negates yours. I don’t know how to compare griefs; I’m not sure one can. But the fact that I’m hurting doesn’t mean you’re not hurting. The comment you left makes me cry, but in a good way. Thank you for caring. Hearing from you makes me feel less alone, too.

    Blessings,
    Lucy

  3. I’m so sorry for this loss. I can’t even imagine what it must be like. My prayers are with you. And your hope and your reaching for the Light is beautiful and inspiring.

    I found you through Postpartum Progress. When I was struggling with ppd and post-partum ptsd I tried to find some sort of online community for people blogging about those things. I couldn’t, and now that I’ve recovered, I’m hoping to create something like that for others who are currently struggling. So I’ve started listing blogs about PMDs and have featured yours. I am hoping to be able to do a weekly “round-up” featuring what bloggers are writing about ,and highlighting those who could use some “commenty” support. I’d love it if you’d stop by if you have some time. Thanks so much for your blog! My thoughts and prayers are with you.

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