Have I any right to be this exhausted by these normal little shake ups? I’m sure that it only feels like we’ve had more than our share in our first five years as a family… like they always stack themselves up. I’m sure it only feels like I’m constantly trying to turn myself inside out to be all the places that I need to be.
This is how it is for everyone right? Maybe we really haven’t been through all that much in the past five years since we’ve been married? The things we’ve survived haven’t been that extraordinary, and it’s probably just my imagination that the volume of it has been so great. It’s just that I’m slow to recuperate. And that I have a martyr complex or something.
I really want my Gram to hang in there for just 13 more days so the girls and I can see her.
I really hate that one of my best friends is moving to the other side of the country.
I really ache for my Daddy knowing that HE is now dealing with extra health concerns of his own AND our wonderful Nonna is having chest pains on top of all of this. And I want to be there with him, with them. I want to beam myself there. And I also want to be here…. To do the things that lie in front of us as a family.
And so I’m sad, and worried, and anxious. And of course it feels like deja vu. It feels like we’re always doing this. But really it’s the reality of life in a fallen world. It’s the normal bumps and bruises of life. It’s like this for everyone right?
I guess it doesn’t matter if it’s like this for everyone… Right now it’s us going through it. And all we can do is do the best we can with it.
Pray for my Gram. Pray for us. Pray that if she has to leave us soon that we can get back in time to see her, and kiss her silken cheek, and tell her that we love her.
And pray that my no-more-battered-than-ordinary heart might be encouraged… might be buoyed… might weather these normal sorts of bumps and bruises with strength and grace, maintaining it’s tenderness, and not shrinking back in these windstorms that come to us all.