Randomness and Feelings

Aside from burying myself in the biographies of hometown heroes, there’s not a lot doing around her.

Oh, except, we leave for Hawaii on Friday. 

Yes of course we’re excited!!!!

I find myself steadily processing a lot right now…  But not much of it is bloggable.  I guess I’m learning that I have to feel my feelings and deal with them.  All of them.  I’m realizing how much I hide from that and how much of my time I spend trying to escape really feeling things.  Kind of funny since I write about feelingsish things a lot.  But I am realizing the ways in which I am a big ball of self-protection.

Husband has begun working nights, which is fine, but is also an adjustment.  At the moment, I seem to be quite an example of chaos theory.  The system of Val perks along just fine with things happening in some semblance of ‘normal’….  Add in a new element and I spin into feeling crazy again.  It’s just a matter of feeling out the schedule and rediscovering how it works for us, right now.  But it’s frustrating too.

We’re also in a state of limbo about where in the heck we’re going to be by this time next year.  The beginnings of haggling over orders are happening.  We’re not sure if we’re even wanting to continue on with the Navy life idea.  If we do, we will be picky about orders.  As it stands now anything could happen this next year including getting out, facing another deployment, moving to a new duty station, or any combination of those possibilities.  It’s overwhelming and hard not to obsess over.  When it began to occur to me that we could (likely will) be moving  before the year is out, I freaked out a little and started feeling sad.  Then I realized all of our closest friends will be leaving at the same time…..  We’d be ‘starting over’ in a lot of ways anyway.   Then I started to itch for a new adventure.  It’s all such an overwhelming jumble of excitement and anxiety and worry and wonder and loss and possibility.

So in short….  Lots of thinking happening, but not a lot going on…  (Aside from a much anticipated trip to paradise!)

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2 thoughts on “Randomness and Feelings

  1. I too am finding myself to be very protective of myself which is not in itself a bad thing. Keep thinking inward and contemplating your feelings. I think, sometimes what we write is more an outlet to get through our feelings rather than actually feel through them – at least I’m realizing this about myself.
    Will pray for you and family about Navy life decisions. Definitely life changing happenings in your life right now.
    I have found all(good & bad) happens in God’s timing and for his purpose.
    Have fun in Hawaii!

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