About a week ago, I was thinking about this place that I seem to find myself in at the moment. Life is calmer than it has been since before I got married, but emotionally, I’m a mess. My mantra for the last six months or so has been, “Why can’t I get it together? ”
I was praying about this last week and it hit me smack between the eyes–I’m broken. The last few years… The constant changes…. The constant adjustments… The loss… The difficulty…. They broke me. Being a Mom and the terrifying gravity of it all superimposed on the exquisite beauty has broken me. My children… My terrifically amazing but sometimes terrifically frustrating children… They are part of both my brokenness and my remaking. My perception of myself in my various roles—mother, ‘housekeeper,’ wife, Navy spouse, and so on—broken, broken, broken. And so it hit me, at this point, *I* truly can’t ‘get it together.’ I can’t put *ME* together again. And so my job right now is to be broken and to let He who can mend me, do whatever mending He might…. And any brokenness that he chooses for me to retain, I trust, He will use.
When the prompt this week for Wrapped Emotions ended up being all about brokenness….. and the light-shining-through-the-cracks beauty of it all, I knew I wanted to take part.
I deliberated all week about what to do. I felt like smashing something, but I couldn’t decide what I had that could be as powerful a symbol as I wanted that I also was willing to break into tiny pieces. I thought about tearing apart a photo…. But that didn’t seem right either. And then I thought about words.
I thought about how words can be broken apart and then put together in an entirely different way. I thought about the messages I’ve been hearing between my ears lately and how they flesh out a lot of my brokenness. So I wrote down some of the messages… “Broke” the words apart, and reconstructed a message that started thumping through me when the idea began to dawn.
So this is my “mosaic” this week, and my very first Wrapped Emotions post.
Stumbling Barefoot... 
I’m so happy to see you participating in WE!
Great mosaic. I love how you used those negative messages in your head to create words of truth.
And few really have it completely together when they have small children! Especially in the Navy life!
Surely every mother can relate to your words. We surrender all the broken parts to Him and He makes something beautiful out of them. Isn’t God amazing?
Really good project!
I so wanted to smash something too, and yet, like you, cut apart messages and reconstructed them. I don’t have a clear message that I can put into words yet, but yours gives me faith that I will. Thank-you.
this is truly awesome. i love how you were able to “break apart” the words in your head to create something new, something powerful, something healing. and i love the pile at the bottom.
An excellent post. Sometimes it takes our Heavenly Father to smack us square between the eyes with a 2×4 of His Word. 🙂
May He continue to pour out His perfect mercy and strength into you and your family. May His abundance surround you, and may the Holy Spirit fill you with an overwhelming sense of His presence, peace, and love.
Very meaningful mosaic. Smashing something and rebuilding does hold a certain amount of carthetic feeling however, words hold meaning forever. Great idea.
Beautifully written and beautifully done!
Wonderful that you used your “broken” self to create your mosaic. The broken bits of life do add up to something beautiful. Using words and rebuilding them was a really great idea.
Boy, broken and re constructed—now that is a mosaic that speaks volumes. I can so relate to that. This was wonderful!
Please stop by my blog for an impromptu WE challenge!
I feel broken too, and have had many of the same challenges as you. We have both gone through a lot of traumas since out mothers did. I believe that was the beginning of it. Putting yourself back together is not easy at all. All we can do is put it in the Lord’s hands.
Powerful. That’s the word that came to mind while reading your words and viewing your mosaic. I think ‘powerful’ because they are words that I, and most mothers, could have written. To let go and accept the state of being broken in order to be rebuilt, new and stronger…again, powerful. And your mosaic of words, creative.
I am so happy that you were inspired to join WE. Phyllis presented us with an amazing challenge last week. I hope you’ll be back.