About a week ago, I was thinking about this place that I seem to find myself in at the moment. Life is calmer than it has been since before I got married, but emotionally, I’m a mess. My mantra for the last six months or so has been, “Why can’t I get it together? ”
I was praying about this last week and it hit me smack between the eyes–I’m broken. The last few years… The constant changes…. The constant adjustments… The loss… The difficulty…. They broke me. Being a Mom and the terrifying gravity of it all superimposed on the exquisite beauty has broken me. My children… My terrifically amazing but sometimes terrifically frustrating children… They are part of both my brokenness and my remaking. My perception of myself in my various roles—mother, ‘housekeeper,’ wife, Navy spouse, and so on—broken, broken, broken. And so it hit me, at this point, *I* truly can’t ‘get it together.’ I can’t put *ME* together again. And so my job right now is to be broken and to let He who can mend me, do whatever mending He might…. And any brokenness that he chooses for me to retain, I trust, He will use.
When the prompt this week for Wrapped Emotions ended up being all about brokenness….. and the light-shining-through-the-cracks beauty of it all, I knew I wanted to take part.
I deliberated all week about what to do. I felt like smashing something, but I couldn’t decide what I had that could be as powerful a symbol as I wanted that I also was willing to break into tiny pieces. I thought about tearing apart a photo…. But that didn’t seem right either. And then I thought about words.
I thought about how words can be broken apart and then put together in an entirely different way. I thought about the messages I’ve been hearing between my ears lately and how they flesh out a lot of my brokenness. So I wrote down some of the messages… “Broke” the words apart, and reconstructed a message that started thumping through me when the idea began to dawn.
So this is my “mosaic” this week, and my very first Wrapped Emotions post.