Today I really want to talk to my Mom. I need her. No one else will do. No one else will listen to all the rambling I need to do. No one else could say the things she would say. And I hate that I can’t talk to her.
I had a day of mommy frustrations, and deployment dread. I had a day of reflecting on my social ineptitude (poor Sarah got an earful about that). I had a day where I just really needed to confide in my Mom.
I get jealous when people talk about going to lunch with their Mom’s, or having their mother come over to watch the kids. I get sick to my stomach with envy when I see people who have their Mom’s visiting and spoiling their kids. I miss her tremendously and long for those normal things so fiercely. So much has changed since she left that if she came back it wouldn’t really work anymore…. But that doesn’t stop me from wanting her.
Mom would be able to figure out the quirks of people in my life right now. She would laugh about how I am a ‘weirdo-magnet.’ She would help me to calm down about the deployment, or at least listen to me cry. She would tell me to lighten up as a mother, and laugh at me for stepping in a poopy diaper. By the way, I really, really do need to lighten up. Perhaps Carolyn is channeling Mom when she looks at me and says, “Mommy! REWACK!”.
Almost two years later and I still have these days where I just want my Mommy.
I think I always will.