I know what’s happening. I do. I can rationally analyze the situation and say, “This is why we are acting this way.”
I’ve heard about it in briefings, I’ve read about it in literature. There’s even a post about it over at SpouseBUZZ right now. But it’s here, and it sucks, and I hate it.
We’re playing the ‘distancing’ games. We’re picking fights and Husband is picking projects. I’m obsessing on cleaning the house instead of on being together. We feel disconnected, discouraged, frustrated, and sad.
DUH! Our own D-day is coming.
The last few days and weeks before a deployment are just hard. I had some of my sweetest bittersweet moments last time around… But you also have so many moments of drudgery and dread and disconnect and on top of the feeling of “Soon he won’t be here,” it can just be so overwhelming.
Supposedly knowing what the problem is gets you halfway to the solution. This time around I’m not so sure. I know why I’m being snippy, but I keep being snippy. I know why I’m drawing into myself, but I keep drawing into myself.
It’s just hard.
It’s just part of the game.
So we’ll play and get onto the next part, until he’s home again and we embark on “reintegration” once more.