26 years–Yesterday was my birthday… And I have to say it was the best birthday I think I’ve ever had. Having Husband home had something to do with that. I was giddy all day just with the expectation of the fun of the evening which was JUST what I wanted. Husband baked me a cake, and even decorated it for me…. We had pizza for supper, and he showered me with gifts…. And tonight we have a babysitter and we’re going out to dinner as well. It all just feels like so much more than I deserve. And it probably is. All I know is, I love that man.
It was our first time to be together on my birthday in the three and one half years that we’ve been married. That’s Navy life, and we just let it roll off our shoulders when we can’t be together…. But it was so exquisitely special to be with him yesterday.
So now I’m 26, and I’m very ok with that. Talking with another friend who also turned 26 this week, we decided that it sounds a lot older than 25…… You know–25 is still your early twenties–the naive part of early adulthood. 26 is when you start to ‘get it’ right?
18 months–Mom has been gone 18 months today. That doesn’t seem real. Obviously it is given the way life has changed, but most days it still feels like she is a real, solid, person that I could call and talk to at any moment. Everything that happened 18 months ago and before still feels like yesterday. I can recall all of it as though it were. It still seems so unreal that I could be a girl without a mother. I don’t feel that different, but then sometimes little things and big things remind me that life really *is* that different now. I’m trying to accept life as it is now, since it can’t be how I want it to be. The pain of losing her is still there, but I’m able to assimilate it into my life more.
I’m really struggling with the idea of having Husband gone for the birth…. and that makes me miss my Mama something awful. Almost all of the women that I have seen go through the ‘Husband’s not there when the baby comes’ scenario have their Mom’s come and help them. My Daddy will come, and that will be special and wonderful too (though I’m thinking the delivery room aspect could be a little awkward and I’m still trying to figure that out), but I know that I am still going to long for my Mommy….
So anyway–taking the bad with the good and knowing that it’s all part of life.