It’s Christmas Eve Eve and I am just delighted. It’s really pretty disgusting how delighted I am. I’m like some caricature of Christmas Cheer. I think I’m frightening Husband.
The thing is… This is the happiest Christmas I’ve had since we’ve been married. The first year we were married, Husband left for Basic Training the beginning of December. I was experience my very first newlywed Christmas….. without my husband. And it was very hard and sad.
Our second Christmas, Mom was sick, baby was coming, husband was deploying. I was scared out of my brain.
Last Christmas, Mom was gone, and…… Husband was deployed, and well……. yeah, there were about a bazillion other crises that happened.
And this Christmas…. Well, I miss my Mommy awfully bad…. But…. That’s ONE thing to hurt over. And it’s becoming a ‘normalish’ kind of hurt (which actually hurts in and of itself, but I’m accentuating the positive here, so back to that). Husband is home. I am growing large with child, and I have the cutest little toddler that I have ever seen. Little Miss has stolen my heart away complete. I mean…. You should see how beautiful she is with powdered sugar caked onto her face and in her hair and all over her clothes, waving a rolling pin around and getting nowhere near any dough. It’s amazing!
So no, it’s not perfect….. But it’s just so good. And it feels so very good to relish it, to be happy, to smile and sing carols at the top of my lungs. To do old traditions, to make new traditions, to make mess after mess after mess in the kitchen…. And to experience it all in wonder as Little Miss drinks it in at a level of some sort of understanding for the first time (Let’s be serious–last year it was really just big people acting weird again, right?).
Yes I miss Mom…. but that is only one thing.
Right now, I can rest into the good.