Personal Bumper Sticker Irony
After writing my last post, I’ve been thinking about myself and how hot and bothered I get about people being told to feel certain ways. It’s kind of bizarre because one thing that really confounds me at this point in time is how in the heck I’m supposed to feel my feelings. I’m so tied up in the knots of how I think I’m supposed to feel, and so conditioned by now to not let myself fully emote through anything, that I seriously don’t feel capable of really being where I am and feeling it fully. But I’ll be darned if I’ll let anyone deny me or anyone else the right to do so.
So, in light of all that, I think if I were a car, my bumper sticker would read:
“Fighting for the right for people everywhere to feel what they feel, because God knows I don’t know how to!”
June 5, 2008 at 6:27 pm
Fifteen years ago I went through major depression. Just when I thought I was coming around I had a major relapse. It cost me everything I had worked for up to that point… job, family, possesions… freaking everything. The medication that my doctor put me on left me unable to feel anything. I was literally dead man walking. People would tell me how to feel, would suggest what to do and would try to tell me that they understood (with I knew they patently did not). It took three years to recover. Some of the effects of the medication were permanent. One thing I know for sure. I am the only person who really knows and can own how I feel. In fact, realizing and acting on that fact is what has brought me any recovery since that point. Owning how I feel and moderating the effect of that in the way I respond to the world is my only way of maintaining mental and spiritual equilibrium.
June 10, 2008 at 9:56 pm
I get so caught up in the shoulds. I should not feel this way. I should feel that. It could be worse, etc. It seems I am almost constantly judging my feelings as wrong, insignificant, or other. I am rarely comfortable feeling what I am feeling. Thought provoking words from you – thank you.